Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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