Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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