Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
