I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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