i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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