OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
