She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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