walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
