I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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