I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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