somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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