i need an iv and a liver transplant
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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