I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
