shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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