white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
