I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
