fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize