The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
