i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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