I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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