there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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