The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
