My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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