oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize
