We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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