so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize