i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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