i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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