Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
