dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
