thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
