Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
