Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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