I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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