At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
We're too hungover to prance.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
