Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize