Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
