his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
