Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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