did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
