this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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