I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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