why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
