Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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