what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
