I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
