Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
