Say something about gay babies.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize