Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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