I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize