Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
