why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
