just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
