i barfeds in our rink
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
