All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
