last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Randomize
