OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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