if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
