I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
