I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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