So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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