its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Randomize