All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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