Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
