Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
