Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize