Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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