oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
