Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
