She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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