If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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