God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
We need a shit load of segways right now
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
