I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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