Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
