I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
