Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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