so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
