woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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