She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
