Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
