I never want to see another naked old woman again.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
