Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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