did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
The air taste purple.
Randomize
