I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Is it because I queefed?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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