Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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