in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
