Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
