im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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