I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
