I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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