There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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