also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
