I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
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