id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
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