I've blown a few things in my day
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
