I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
