i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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