I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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