Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
