She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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