Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
