yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
